Hopeless Romantic

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Hopeless romantic... "Get real man, nobody lives like that in the REAL WORLD!" - sound familiar? I hear it all the time, in my head that is. It seems like there's this constant tension between an ideal I hold up in my head and this other voice that says "what planet are you from?" Do you ever dare to hope for what could be? How do you know which will prevail, dreams or pessimistic reality? Let me give a few examples... I have these dreams that look forward to so many little things in life, and sometimes I wonder if I'm looking at life through rose colored glasses. I want to meet a girl and fall in love, and not just fall in love with her, or have her kinda sorta like me back, but the kind of falling in love that is deep and is ok. Sometimes being in love isn't ok and then it hurts a lot to convince yourself to pack up and move on. I want to fall asleep talking to her and wake up and spend the morning together, praying and having breakfast together. I want to have little kids and read them stories at night and talk to them even though they can't talk back. I want a little house on a hill with a porch and view. I want to have meals together as a family. I want to clean my house with my wife and help her do the dishes. I want to have a job that I don't hate going to but can't wait to leave so I'll be home again where life is. I want to be close enough to my family that we see each other and are involved in each other's lives. I want to have Christmas together and be friends with all my neighbors. Sometimes it seems so old fashioned to think that a life like that could be possible and you certainly don't see much of it these days. The sheer weight of responsability and paying all the bills and just getting by is overwhelming and threatens to squash all hope of happiness. I mean, who am I kidding? Am I being naive? Do I just need a dose of reality? I really want to know. Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic, complete with sunsets and poems and love songs. The problem I have with leaving the romance behind is that it completely shuts off the heart, and I don't think that's a step in the right direction. That's one reason why I don't think I could be in business or accounting. How can you live if you don't exercise your heart? I know that I need all the heart-movement I can get and I want it because without it I don't really feel alive. Hearts are deep things like proverbs says, and it's at the heart level that the most real parts of life are found. Sometimes I feel really frustrated that we as people don't engage on the heart level more. Everything is so surface and that's sad. Sometimes I feel alone and wonder if any of this will ever happen. But the cool thing is that it isn't up to me to make it happen and my hope isn't in my dreams or my plans. My hope is in God, and as long as I set my sights on Him I will never be disappointed. He speaks to the heart and answers the deepest questions I have. He gives me a reason to live even if I never get married or have kids or have a house or a real job. I'm thankful for today, and for the love I can share with my savior. That's enough. Yeah, it's that good! He is that good! He's not a god made with human hands, or a god who fits into a little box or a 6-step plan to wealth or fame. He is THE GOD who is a real person and wants relationship with me. Relationships are not predictable, and they don't happen all at once. They happen day by day, month by month, and they take a lot of time and work. I think if I could somehow grab ahold of that truth, that I'm free to let go and grow, not just in my relationship with God but with everyone, I'd be a lot better off. But I'm working on it, or I should say, God is working on me. Dare to dream; hope in God. He wants your heart to be alive.